You took the only thing from me that allowed me to clear my mind. You took the only thing that ever stopped the voices from screaming in my head non-stop. It’s like living in a machine factory and there is just a hum of white noise with faint voices in the background, and you know they are talking about you, your life, your future. Everything I do now requires thought. When I am not thinking, I am thinking about why I am not thinking. Riding up the mountain I could feel my body relax. Music played lightly in my headphones. I would sit for a second and take in the beauty of this world from my vantage point before dropping into the abyss. Then in an instant the wind would be in my face as I launched downwards. The music and my movements would be in sync. Suddenly the song would end at the very moment that I hit the fresh powder. It was like being on a cloud. Here I am……. Dropping ever more rapidly and the world is totally silent. No wind, no leaves rustling, no birds singing, no people yelling, but most importantly no thoughts. Just a clear head. I wish I could feel that again. I wish I could have my release.